Am I crazy for not exactly viewing suicide as a "death"?

[notindanger]

I know this sounds absurd, since that's exatcly what suicide is - a way to die. But whenever I think of death, I see people who died by accidents, by illnesses like cancer, or something. I get sad when I think of people who died by accidents, for example by breaking their back or something similar. But when I think of people who commited suicide, I feel, I dont know, more like happy for them? Maybe even jealous that they succeded and i haven't. Jesus, I'm reading this for the 6th time and i still dont know how to make myself sound less stupid and delusional. i dont really know how to explain myself.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also really envy those who managed to ctb as it really isn't straightforward to die on our own terms at least to me. The only fortunate ones are those incapable of suffering in this undesirable existence, I admire those who managed to take control over their inevitable fate, freeing themselves from the burden that is having the ability to exist here.

 

[flowers in the mist]

I feel the same, and don't worry you don't sound stupid or delusional!

I feel bad for those that CTB because of everything they went through to reach that stage but also happy they went through with it and have freed themselves from the pain.

 

[Kit1]

I feel bad for everyone - for those who really wanted to live and died unexpectedly. For those who ended their lives as it feels like happiness has been robbed from their lives and just wish that everyone had a fair chance of being happy, safe and loved in this world.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

It's okay, I don't think you're stupid at all and I'm sure other people would agree. I can see your point and understand it, thinking about it suicide doesn't feel like a true death because it's one's own death, to the person's POV it's more of an "end of the journey" while the death part is what others successively see. For the person it's pretty much usually the end of something rather than plain death, in my opinion..