FailGirl
(￣ー￣)
- Mar 25, 2025
- 16
[Context: I graduated in May '23, but I waited 'til I turned 18 before running away from home. I got my first job at Taco Bell in Oct. '23. I worked there for 2 days before bailing. Right after I began the enlistment process, but didn't ship out 'til Feb. '24. I discharged in Jun. '24. I got my first place, a rented two-bedroom apartment, with my friend using the money that I saved up from my 'service' in Jul. '24. I got my third job at Panera Bread in Aug. '24. But I quit after a week because I hated it--plus it wasn't enough to pay the bills since my roommate had an internship and not a real job causing me to bail on the lease and flee the state. I moved back in with the same people that kicked me out for the first time, getting my fourth and final job at Micheals in Sep. '24. I was fired after 2 weeks because I never returned after I broke down, resulting in my third/fourth hospitalization and me getting kicked out for the second time. After discharging from my fourth hospitalization, I was sent to a crisis house and, after 6 months (I filed in Jul. '24), I received my approval rating (100%) and direct deposit from the VA in Nov. '24. After I was approved, I received backpay, then a recurring payment right after; totaling +$18K. Now I get the maximum monthly payout, which is currently $3,831.30--a 2.5% increase from last year. I got my second place, a rented one-bedroom apartment, by myself in Feb. '25.]
I hate being surrounded by veterans because I start to feel guilty. I didn't complete basic training. I never made it out of red phase. I held my rifle once. ONCE.
I'm able-bodied. I'm young. (I'm female...) My mind is fucked, but I'm alive. In comparison, they've been overseas, they've been in war, and they've developed diseases and/or lost limbs. While I feel guilty, I'd rather eat dirt than give up my C&P. It helped me out of homelessness. Besides, as stated in previous posts, despite feeling 'lucky', I wasn't approved for no reason and the fact that I was approved, specifically for 100%, isn't the greatest thing in the world, y'know? It's, like, 'Yay! You're fucked up and it's our fault and we don't think you're going to get better. Here's some cash.' I bet they're waiting for me to kill myself before I get old...
Regardless, I don't know how to identify. I can't explain my situation without saying that 'I'm a veteran.' because the VA isn't handing out C&P, especially at 100%, to anybody, but it's weird. I don't like it. So far, no one has told me that I'm 'not a veteran' and that I 'don't deserve my approval rating and C&P'. Actually veterans are always congratulatory and welcoming to me, but I feel like a fraud.
That isn't to say that I lied to get anything! They sited my medical records (specifically from my time in the military), I was examined in-person a multitude of times, on top of a psychiatric evaluation, and they're very critical. They gave me a 10% for my neck injury. But if you know, you know your rating is cumulative. I don't know. Ultimately I don't have to prove myself to anyone, but I feel like a fraud. But I don't want anyone to look at me like a fraud? It's a lot and I'm confused.
I hate being surrounded by veterans because I start to feel guilty. I didn't complete basic training. I never made it out of red phase. I held my rifle once. ONCE.
I'm able-bodied. I'm young. (I'm female...) My mind is fucked, but I'm alive. In comparison, they've been overseas, they've been in war, and they've developed diseases and/or lost limbs. While I feel guilty, I'd rather eat dirt than give up my C&P. It helped me out of homelessness. Besides, as stated in previous posts, despite feeling 'lucky', I wasn't approved for no reason and the fact that I was approved, specifically for 100%, isn't the greatest thing in the world, y'know? It's, like, 'Yay! You're fucked up and it's our fault and we don't think you're going to get better. Here's some cash.' I bet they're waiting for me to kill myself before I get old...
Regardless, I don't know how to identify. I can't explain my situation without saying that 'I'm a veteran.' because the VA isn't handing out C&P, especially at 100%, to anybody, but it's weird. I don't like it. So far, no one has told me that I'm 'not a veteran' and that I 'don't deserve my approval rating and C&P'. Actually veterans are always congratulatory and welcoming to me, but I feel like a fraud.
That isn't to say that I lied to get anything! They sited my medical records (specifically from my time in the military), I was examined in-person a multitude of times, on top of a psychiatric evaluation, and they're very critical. They gave me a 10% for my neck injury. But if you know, you know your rating is cumulative. I don't know. Ultimately I don't have to prove myself to anyone, but I feel like a fraud. But I don't want anyone to look at me like a fraud? It's a lot and I'm confused.
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