Help Afraid to buy SN online (legal). Need advice

[negi-maguro]

I live in SEA and I can find SN in online marketplaces here. I have bookmarked a couple commerce that sells 50-100 grams of SN, but most sell it in plastic bags for around 1 usd. I need help because despite easy access to it, I keep procrastinating on buying it. It has been a year since I planned to buy it, and my life hasn't gotten any better during that time, which makes me increasingly feel like I need it. I just can't get myself from buying SN, here are some of my plan and also problems:
1. I plan to let it be delivered to the place I work.
2. I'm scared that it got noticed by the police and I will be interrogated about plan of assassination. Police here are cruel and the fact that I work at the NGO sector will make me a good target for being blamed for anything (they have been capturing activist to intimidate people into submission and I'm definitely intimidated)
3. I'm unsure about the quality, especially most come in sacks and are sold in plastic bags. its cheap also
4. I'm thinking of also buying gloves, one of those big glass or plastic research bottles (unfamiliar with the chemistry names)
5. I have no experience and access to get the drugs to smooth my ctb, maybe just antiemetics
6. I'm afraid my case could go viral in my country and make access to SN difficult. But this is just me thinking narcissistically, i guess
7. I really have a bad case of social anxiety

Does anyone know what I should do here? Will really appreciate it if anybody can also tell me what additional chemist gears I should get because the shops are chemical shop.

Additional vent because I got emotional:
I'm so tired, man. It's so lonely, nobody really hear what I'm saying. I'm a very squared up person, not cool and easy to be panic. My friends don't respect me, except for one which is the coolest person ever, but he lives in Bali now and he got other friends and I don't wnat my presence to bring him down so I never bother him unless i"m feeling like havingn fun. i have no plan in getting to any romatic relationship because im still a mess and scared of people. My parents have a huge expectation on me but I can only work where i feel comfortable. they keep hounding down on me to get a better job or a scholarship for a master degree but i keep failing on both. last week i was invited for an interview and presentantation to be an assistant consultant and while making the presentation i realized how lifeless consulting is like im looking at numbers going up. ended up not gettingn the job because i can't get myself to work on it seriously, doing it genuinely repulsive like im drowning a baby. recently came across people exchanging salary per year i see people getting 40k to 180k usd per year and it got me really depressed. iw sih theres a job where i just sit in an office doing stuffs so i can have something stable but i never get jobs like those idk. SaSu is cool tho, i mostly lurk.

 

[BradGuy123]

I wouldn't recommend having it delivered to your job. Let's say it does get noticed by the police and you get interrogated. If this happens and you had it delivered to your job, not only will the SN get confiscated but you would lose your job as well.

 

[negi-maguro]

I wouldn't recommend having it delivered to your job. Let's say it does get noticed by the police and you get interrogated. If this happens and you had it delivered to your job, not only will the SN get confiscated but you would lose your job as well.

Yeah, I agree. My thinking was that since I work in a building with multiple offices and a hotel, and it has a central delivery location, it would make things easier on my end because my package would be mixed in with many others, lowering suspicion. I still live with my parents, and they usually ask about packages addressed to me, so I try to avoid sending things to my home.