Venting “Acting out” at the end of my life.

[hawkoflight]

I had the distinct realization that I've been- subconsciously, at least- becoming a fucking nightmare to be around.
I've been just…an asshole, in a way. I've never been like this before. I've not been a ray of sunshine or anything- why would I be in this world, I'm not that type- but I've at least been polite, if not only out of a desire to get people the fuck away from me faster. Kept the rude thoughts on the inside because drama is exhausting and all of the circles I'm in are like high school cafeterias all the damn time. Throw anger on a private Instagram account and run to keep the peace.
I've been more….i don't know, filterless. I'm not saying slurs or anything, I don't even think them frankly, I'm just…a bit of a bitch. I've lost a few friends from this change in attitude- fair enough- so I can tell people are noticing.
I realized that it's..not exactly a cry of help, more of my inhibitions lowering now that I've confirmed my plans. I'm not gonna be here for long, so why even try? Might as well make sure everyone knows what I think before I finally CTB. I've heard of a lot of reactions to confirming intentions to commit, but I've never seen my exact experience.
I don't know. This was a nothing post. Just wanted to get words on metaphorical paper.

 

[TryAndStopMe]

I feel you. Try to have some fun on the way out, right? I'm trying not to show outward feelings like you are because I don't want others to catch on, but then again I've been told I'm hard to read.