6 months

[Then-pewish]

I'm not selfish for wanting for wanting to die. They are selfish for wanting me to live. If someone were on their death bed and there were a chance they could come back and live a happy life, but for the foreseeable future it's not possible. While they're on their death bed they are in constant pain, and they crave death, is it selfish for the the person on the death bed to kill themselves or is it selfish for the friends and family to keep them alive. If they are in constant pain, I want them to go, though I would miss them so much it would hurt, I would eventually be okay. I wouldn't get over it, but I would learn to be okay. This is how I feel about mental illnesses. I am in constant emotional pain. Why can't they they see that being alive is misery, for me. I'm ready to go. Keeping me alive for them is unusually cruel. I'll try some more treatment. I'll give it 6 more months. I'm not saying I have to be happy all the time every day but not wanting to kill myself everyday is a good start. If I don't get better, I'm leaving. I love my friends, I love my family. But I have to put myself first sometimes. (Btw any advice on how i can recover? I'm taking my meds, going to therapy, and going to psychiatry appointments)