ma0
How did I get here?
- Dec 20, 2024
- 668
Hey y'all, it's been a hot fucking minute since being on here....
So, 1 whole year of this goddamn website. Honestly I'm not sure how to feel. On one hand, this place has given me a refuge and a safe space when I was at my lowest, and I am eternally thankful. On the other hand, it may have contributed to my lowest.
I'm gonna be honest: Being surrounded by all this constant negativity has definitely been somewhat detramental to my mental state. It's the same reason why I've found myself being a lot happier since using this place less. Don't get me wrong, I love each and every single one of you, and I wish you all a fantastic life, but I also can't deny that the things said here haven't been the most helpful in the long term. I've been pondering a lot about whether I'd still be as fucked as I am if I never joined this site. As much as I'd like to know the answer, I have to accept the position I'm in for what it is, and the choices I made to get here. I think I'll start using this site less in the future, as I have actually found the motivation to pick myself up and try to climb out of this hole, and I wish the same for all of you.
I guess I should also talk about the lifelong friends I've made thanks to this website: They've been so supportive of me in every way, and I'm so grateful to have them by my side. Again, if it weren't for this site I never would've met them. That's why part of me wishes I could still spend time here, because of all the amazing people it's given me.
Oh btw I suppose now's a good time to mention: I'm not gonna kill myself. CTB is off the table, at least if things keep going the way they are. It's still so surreal to be able to say that, even though it's probably the case for the majority of people, lmao. But ye, I found the motivation and happiness to climb my way out of my mental darkness, and although there's still a long way to go until I can call myself "enjoying life" or "mentally stable" I'm still going to at least give it a shot.
Since I last posted here I also got a girlfriend. Yeah, I know, me, the depressed reddit porn addict with a girlfriend. She's the main reason I called off my suicide plans, she's my source of courage to keep living. I love her so much and I'm so blessed to have her in my life.
For all of you thinking it'll never happen to you, yes it fucking will. I'm literally a self-proclaimed hikikomori, not stepping outside in ages, and I found someone who understands me and enjoys spending time with me just by being a decent, respectful fucking person. The only thing that's required is kindness, something that is deep rooted in everyone here, I've seen for myself. You all have the capacity, I'm sure.
Uhhhhh that's about it from me. PM's are always open if anyone wants to talk, I'm always free, and I sincerely hope you all find the courage to overcome whatever might be keeping you down. You can.
thx bitchez XP
So, 1 whole year of this goddamn website. Honestly I'm not sure how to feel. On one hand, this place has given me a refuge and a safe space when I was at my lowest, and I am eternally thankful. On the other hand, it may have contributed to my lowest.
I'm gonna be honest: Being surrounded by all this constant negativity has definitely been somewhat detramental to my mental state. It's the same reason why I've found myself being a lot happier since using this place less. Don't get me wrong, I love each and every single one of you, and I wish you all a fantastic life, but I also can't deny that the things said here haven't been the most helpful in the long term. I've been pondering a lot about whether I'd still be as fucked as I am if I never joined this site. As much as I'd like to know the answer, I have to accept the position I'm in for what it is, and the choices I made to get here. I think I'll start using this site less in the future, as I have actually found the motivation to pick myself up and try to climb out of this hole, and I wish the same for all of you.
I guess I should also talk about the lifelong friends I've made thanks to this website: They've been so supportive of me in every way, and I'm so grateful to have them by my side. Again, if it weren't for this site I never would've met them. That's why part of me wishes I could still spend time here, because of all the amazing people it's given me.
Oh btw I suppose now's a good time to mention: I'm not gonna kill myself. CTB is off the table, at least if things keep going the way they are. It's still so surreal to be able to say that, even though it's probably the case for the majority of people, lmao. But ye, I found the motivation and happiness to climb my way out of my mental darkness, and although there's still a long way to go until I can call myself "enjoying life" or "mentally stable" I'm still going to at least give it a shot.
Since I last posted here I also got a girlfriend. Yeah, I know, me, the depressed reddit porn addict with a girlfriend. She's the main reason I called off my suicide plans, she's my source of courage to keep living. I love her so much and I'm so blessed to have her in my life.
For all of you thinking it'll never happen to you, yes it fucking will. I'm literally a self-proclaimed hikikomori, not stepping outside in ages, and I found someone who understands me and enjoys spending time with me just by being a decent, respectful fucking person. The only thing that's required is kindness, something that is deep rooted in everyone here, I've seen for myself. You all have the capacity, I'm sure.
Uhhhhh that's about it from me. PM's are always open if anyone wants to talk, I'm always free, and I sincerely hope you all find the courage to overcome whatever might be keeping you down. You can.
thx bitchez XP
